When We Go On
by Violet Scarlet Lily
Summary: A Charlie and Claire afterlife story. What happens when they go 'on', when they leave the church. First real chapter up!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey you all everybody! Thank you so much for reading my stories! You don't know how much it means to me - literally the world. Anyways, here is the prologue of my Charlie/Claire afterlife story - it takes place maybe during Season 4 or 5. This is canon - kind of (like it didn't happen, but it could have). And it is the beginning of the story of what happens when they go on, when they leave the church.**

* * *

He wrote her a letter she never got – a letter she never read, detailing the greatest moments of his life – his greatest hits.

_#5 - The First Time I Heard Myself On the Radio_

_#4 - Dad Teaching Me To Swim at Butlins_

_#3 - The Christmas Liam Gave Me the Ring_

_#2 - Woman Outside Covent Garden Calls Me a Hero_

_#1 - The Night I Met You_

But the letter she never read was soaked and washed away – it was lost just like he was.

* * *

She lives alone – a wild life of surviving and roaming and traps and loneliness and imaginary Charlies and Aarons. Every night she spends waiting for them to come to her. Sometimes if she stops thinking long enough, she can feel his arms around her, his breath tickling her cheek, his skin on hers, a tiny baby body pressed between them.

But the moment she focuses, the moment she _thinks, _he's gone and so is Aaron. And then she cries alone, because she is alone and any person that is not them is an enemy.

One day she finds a piece of paper, a pen, in the wreckage of a place she's never seen.

And she writes him a letter, a letter he'll never read.

_Dear Charlie,_

_I'm writing this to you because it's my fault you died. If it weren't for me, you'd still be here. But you're not. You're gone and there's nothing I can do about it except write this letter to tell you that I'm sorry._

_ I'm sorry I left Aaron when you died to save us. You were his real father, and he loved you so, so much. And now, because of me, he'll grow up not knowing who you are and how much you loved us. So I'm sorry._

_ I'm sorry for pushing you away all those times when I should have held you close. Like when you stole Aaron and I thought you broke my heart – when really, I broke yours._

_ I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you were tempted by your drugs. I should have been there like you were there for me when I was scared or lonely, or when I craved peanut butter, or when I had amnesia, or when I was kidnapped. You did everything for me and what did I do? I pushed you away – I hurt you more than you could ever hurt me._

_ I'm sorry for all the times I thought you clung too tightly – when really, I should have been clinging just as tight back._

_ I'm sorry for every time I hurt you. I'm sorry for every tear you shed over me, every lonely chord you played for me, every time you looked at the sea with sadness in your eyes because of me._

_I'm sorry for not holding you as tightly as you held me – I didn't know what I had, really I didn't. I wish I had found out before I lost you._

_I'm sorry for every second I didn't spend with you._

_ I'm sorry for not paying better attention to what you said._

_ I'm sorry for not memorizing every detail of your face._

_ I'm sorry for every time I wanted to kiss you and I didn't._

_ I'm sorry that I never even tried to be a good enough person to deserve someone half as good as you. _

_ Mostly, I'm sorry that I never told you I love you._

_ But I'm not sorry that I loved you. I was never sorry that I loved you, not even for a millisecond. I'm not sorry I loved – love – you even though you were going to die. I didn't really believe it, Charlie. I didn't believe you'd die, not for someone like me._

_ I don't know, Charlie. I'm so glad you loved me – loved me enough to die – but why did you have to? Why did you have to die? Why, Charlie, why?_

_ Please come back, Charlie. Please, please, Charlie. Come back, Charlie. Come back, back to me._

_ I never said it to you. I hope you know it._

_ I love you._

* * *

**Thanks so much for reading! If you have a minute, please review because it would make me very happy. I hope you'll keep up with my PB&J afterlife story! :) Love always, Lily  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**So here's the next chapter. Enjoy!**

They meet again in the church, for now they've remembered what it means to be _complete_. Because though neither of them knew it, their souls were joined and could not be separated even if you tried. They sit there in the church, and when it's time to move on they have no misgivings. When they go on, there is nothing to be afraid of. When they go on, they aren't leaving anything important behind.

When they go on, they will be _together_.

They walk out of the church, her hand enveloped in his, her baby, _their _baby balanced carefully on her hip.

Outside, the world looks no different than it did before they left.

Except for a row of boxes, with names on them.

Charlie and Claire. Penny and Desmond. Shannon and Sayid. Jack and Kate. Sawyer and Juliet. Boone. Locke.

They beeline to their box. On the top of the box there is a note.

_These are the most important things you've ever given to each other. These are things you need to remember._

Charlie rips the tape off of the large cardboard box, and inside, on top of everything else, are two pieces of torn, frayed paper.

His greatest hits, and the letter he never read.

"Claire – what's this?" he asks.

"A letter that you never got to read," she says quietly, "A letter that you never got a chance to read. What's the other one?"

"My greatest hits – the best things that have ever happened in my life," he says, carefully lifting it out of the box and handing it to her, before picking up hers.

Her eyes scan the letter quickly, and they mist over when she finishes it. His takes him longer. But by the end, they're both crying and clutching each other.

"Love – I am _so _sorry," he says, gripping her shoulders, kissing her cheek quickly.

"I'm sorry too," she says, "I'm sorry for everything I became after you left."

"It doesn't matter anymore," he says comfortingly, "You got to start over. _We _got to start over, all over again, and this time we'll do it right."

They look into the box again, and they see an empty glass jar, a makeshift wooden crib, a battered scratched guitar.

"I never thought I'd see this stuff again," he says, "Bloody beautiful, it is."

"What do we do now?" she asks, looking up at everyone around them, "What are we _supposed _to do now?"

"Well…we pick up where we left off," he says slowly, awkwardly, "I've got a flat here – but I can't promise it'll be safe for Aaron – y'know, clean…"

His voice trails off and she realizes that in this world he's still a heroin addict. In this world everything's been reset – and all they have to go off of is another life in another world.

But this time she's going to do things right.

"We'll get through this together," she says, squeezing his hand.

"Do you have a car?" Charlie asks, "Mine's over there."

"Could you take me to your flat?" she asks bravely, and he looks like he's about to be sick.

"I dunno Claire, I don't, er, know, exactly, what's there…"

"Don't worry about it," she says, putting a finger on his lips, "I've probably seen worse."

"You sure, love?" he asks, the furrow between his brows getting deeper for a second.

"Positive."

DDDDDDDD

They drive by all the suburban neighborhoods, driving back into the city, looking at the stains on the fences, the ghosts of the ice cold snowfall. Now it's summer – the world is back alive again, everything is back to life – back from being alone and empty.

Eventually they reach the city, where the buildings are smashed together like they don't quite have room to breathe.

He parks down in an alley, and gets out of the car. She follows him into a building, up a set of rickety stairs, and through a dark door.

The place is a man cave, she knows that much at least. Giant murals on the walls, band posters, a battered piano in the corner, a kitchen piled up with dirty dishes, concrete floors…

"I, um, Liam used to, uh, live here, but now, he uh, when I abandoned the concert…he, uh, well he and the rest of the guys moved out. So we're safe here – they're not coming," Charlie says, his words coming out disconnected and choppy, "So, uh, yeah. If y'want, we could live here…"

"Is that what you want Charlie?"

"I just – I just want to be with you Claire."

"Well, then why don't we start cleaning this mess up?" she says, smiling, and then after putting Aaron on the floor, she goes over to the kitchen, "You take the bedrooms, I'll do the kitchen and living room."

He walks into his bedroom, and though his hands are shaking and he wants a fix, just a quick fix to steady his hands and smooth his words, he grabs all of his little heroin baggies, all of Liam's, all of everyone's, and walks out of the bedrooms with his hands full. He quickly drops them all into the trash can.

"I'm so proud of you, Charlie," she says, and crosses the room, wrapping her arms around his neck. He kisses the tip of her nose, her ear, before finally her lips.

"I missed you," he says, and then pauses, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Did you ever get off of the island? Did it work? Did I – did I save you and Aaron?"

She doesn't know what to say – she bites her lip, tries to distract him by kissing him, but he's not to be dissuaded.

"Why won't you sodding tell me, Claire? What bloody happened? Did you get rescued?"

"I – we – um…Charlie…we didn't – Aaron did, but I, I didn't."

"How did Aaron get rescued and you didn't?" he demands, and she can feel his anger rising far faster than it ever did on the island – she keeps forgetting that all the progress he made never really happened in this world. At least he loves her. At least the reason why he's so angry is for her.

"Kate took him – off the island. And I – Charlie, I became like – like Rousseau," she says, her voice choking, "I went crazy in the woods. I went crazy without you."

He doesn't reply, only holds her close.

She knows what's in his heart – she knows who he is deep down. But she also knows that he – or she – hasn't had the time they had back then, hasn't had what happened back then. It frustrates her. It's like having a relapse.

All they can do is hope that love is enough to make it through.

**What did you think of that? Review or PM with predictions, feelings, suggestions, critiques...anything. I love you all. Love always, Lily**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everyone! Here is the next chapter! I just wanted to clarify on where this story is set. It's basically like they live in the "The Plane Didn't Crash" world like it's a real world. It's almost like being reincarnated as themselves - they're in the real world, but with memories of the island. Does that make sense? Oh, and you get Liam in this chapter! Hope you like it!**

* * *

The next morning, Claire wakes up, being gently shaken by Charlie.

"Claire, Claire, wake up," he says, shaking her a little harder.

"What is it Charlie, I'm trying to sleep," she mumbles.

"I have to go talk to my brother," he says, "It's important. But I wanted to let you know – I didn't want you to, uh, y'know, wake up by yourself."

"Well that's very sweet of you," she says, "Go talk to your brother."

He stands up wordlessly, and exits the room. He knows what he has to do – what he owes it to Claire to do. He has to leave his band.

Charlie doesn't have a complete idea of where Liam is, but he knows how to find him. It's easy to find Liam.

When he finds his brother, he almost chickens out. He doesn't want to do this. Liam is mad enough for him leaving halfway through the concert – and now this…he doesn't know if he can do this. He's tried before. He remembers distinctly, that he was positive that he was going to leave DriveSHAFT, and then Liam talked him out of it. That time and every time after Liam was able to talk him out of leaving.

He can't be talked out this time. Now he has a reason why he can't possibly stay with a band that's known for drug use. In fact, he's not sure if he can be with any band at all. He couldn't go on tours – or leave Claire and Aaron behind for months at a time.

Liam is slumped over in what used to be their favorite pub.

"Liam," Charlie states, approaching his brother.

"Hey walkout," he replies sarcastically, "Come back to beg for mercy, baby brother? You want back in?"

"No, actually," Charlie says, "I came to tell you that I'm not coming back, Li."

"What the bloody heck are you talking about, baby brother? You sodding leave our concert for some pregnant girl, and now you're coming to tell me that you're going to bloody leave the band?"

"Yes," Charlie says complacently, Claire and Aaron giving him a confidence and a gravity he's never had before in his life.

"Bugger off," Liam says, "How high are you to want a pregnant girl? You can't even –"

Charlie can't take anymore of how Liam is treating Claire, even if she's not there to see it, even if she never knows. Charlie's always wanted a family, someone to take care of. And now he's got it, and he's not about to let someone like Liam try to take it away.

Charlie punches Liam as hard as he can.

"Listen to me, Liam," Charlie says, as Liam glares at him, nursing his wound, "Don't come back to my flat, ok? Claire is there and I don't ever want you and your sodding drugs anywhere near my family."

"So now you're a family man, eh, baby brother? One night with a pregnant girl and now you're a family man?" Liam asks, "Can't imagine what she could possibly have to offer you. Well when she leaves you – and she will – you can't come back to me."

Charlie just turns and leaves the bar.

"Claire!" Charlie yells once he's back at the flat.

"Shh, Charlie, Aaron's sleeping," she says, coming to meet him at the door, "What did you have to talk to your brother about?"

"It's nothing Claire," Charlie says, still uncomfortable about his encounter with Liam, "It doesn't matter. But I'm not in the band anymore."

"What's going on Charlie?" Claire asks, "Please don't keep any more secrets from me."

"I told him I'm out of the band. That's all that happened. End of story," Charlie says roughly, and walks past Claire. He sits down on the couch and puts his head in his hands.

She knows something is wrong. She remembers she has to do things right this time around – that she can't mess up like she did before.

So she sits down next to him, and rubs her hand gently up and down his back. Claire can tell that his hands are shaking despite his attempts to steady them.

"It's ok, Charlie," she says gently, "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"Yes," Charlie says firmly, "I can't – he doesn't – listen, it doesn't matter. But he won't be coming here."

"Oh Charlie," she says, and puts her arm around his shaking shoulders.

"Where's Aaron?" Charlie asks.

Claire remembers how he used to evade anything that went wrong. Somehow, he could always avoid talking about bad things that happened. Be it by jokes or by changing the subject, he was a tough nut to crack.

"In the bedroom next to ours," she says, "He's been sleeping in his island crib."

That makes Charlie smile, a little half-smile.

"What are we going to do with ourselves, Claire?" Charlie asks helplessly.

"What do you mean, Charlie?" she asks, her eyebrows furrowing slightly.

"Us, you…me," he says, "I've got money. Not enough to last long enough though, now that I've quit the band. No one will hire me for anything else – everyone knows I did the sodding drugs. You need to stay here with Aaron. How will we fend off the press? How could we possibly explain this to anyone – everyone? Claire, DriveSHAFT is big here. They will come, and how will I explain to them that I left the band for a girl I just met? They don't know about the island, Claire."

"We'll figure something out, Charlie," she says.

"And Aaron?" Charlie asks, "What do we say about him? How will we support ourselves?"

"I don't know, Charlie, you can't keep asking questions I have no answer too! I know as much about this as you do!"

"I'm a bloody joke of a breadwinner," Charlie says, and he stands up, walking away to the room where Aaron is sleeping.

"Don't say that Charlie," she whispers as he walks away.

* * *

**So what did you think? And I know Claire's not pregnant anymore, but Liam wouldn't know that. He hasn't seen Charlie in a couple of days. And I know in the island world he was all clean and stuff, but he didn't seem to be in the other world, so he's going to have to have a redemption journey just like Charlie. Review and tell me what you think! Tell me what you'd like to see, what other characters should make appearances, et cetera. :) Love always, Lily **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everybody! Here is the next chapter - there's appearances by Jack, Kate, and more of Liam in this one. :) Without further ado, please enjoy this chapter. Thanks so much to every single person who reviewed!**

* * *

Claire sat on the couch long after Charlie went to bed that night. Charlie had asked her if he could sleep with Aaron. That made Claire laugh.

She went in to check on them after they'd fallen asleep.

It was one of the oddest things she'd ever seen – a rock star fast asleep, with a newborn baby in his arms.

She laughs, remembering how peaceful they looked.

Just then, there's a hard knock on the apartment door.

Claire's eyes widen, but she stands, and swings the door of the flat open.

There stands a man with bloodshot eyes, messy hair, and dirty teeth.

"Hey there," he says, "Knew my baby brother would ditch that pregnant girl. Ha! All the sodding talk bout being a family man now – bloody rubbish. So where is he?"

"Excuse me, but who exactly are you?" Claire replies, knowing that the "pregnant girl" he mentioned was her.

"Liam Pace – don't you recognize me? I'm a famous rock star," he drawls, stepping into the apartment.

"Please leave my apartment," Claire says firmly.

"Aww, now you don't want that, do you blondie?" Liam asks, stepping closer to her, "How about a kiss?"

"Charlie!" Claire screams, "Charlie!"

"He won't help you," Liam says, his head lolling ever-so-slightly to the side, "We always share…"

"Liam!" Charlie yells, pushing his brother to the wall, "You get away from her!"

"Now, now, baby brother, don't get touchy," Liam replies.

"Liam, you're drunk and you're high, and I want you out of my apartment and away from Claire, or I will call the police!" Charlie snarls, and then, still holding Liam against the wall, he turns to Claire, "Claire, go into the bedroom and stay with Aaron."

Claire nods wordlessly, and leaves the room, almost hyperventilating.

"So, where's the pregnant one, eh, Charlie?" Liam asks, his words slurring together.

"That was the pregnant one Liam, and her name is Claire. Now get out of my flat," Charlie says, pushing Liam towards the door.

"C'mon, baby brother," Liam says, "Karen doesn't want me anymore – and 'cuz of family ties, y'know, I thought for sure I could come to you…"

"Well you can't, ok Liam? I've got Claire and Aaron to look after now and I can't take care of a burnout! Even if you are my brother," Charlie says reluctantly.

"You always were the nice one, Charlie," Liam says, "I was sure you'd be the one to help out a brother in need…"

Liam turns to go, but Charlie grabs his shoulder.

"Listen, Li, I'll pay for your rehab…please get better Liam, you're ruining your life!" Charlie pleads.

"What about you? Does she know about the drugs, baby brother?" Liam leers.

"I'm getting clean, Liam," Charlie says angrily, "I've done it before – I mean, uh, never mind."

As he walks out of the apartment, Liam tosses a small baggie at Charlie.

"For when you give up with this 'I'm getting clean' business," Liam sneers, and leaves.

Charlie looks down, only to see a small baggie of heroin in his hand.

* * *

"What did he want?" Claire asks when Charlie comes back into the bedroom. She's curled up in the corner, holding Aaron closely to her.

"I don't rightly know," Charlie says, stuffing the heroin deeper into his pocket. He'll throw it away later, when she's less shaken up. She doesn't have to know about that.

"Was that – was that your brother, Charlie?" she asks, her voice tentative and childlike.

"Yeah, that's Liam," Charlie says, shuffling his feet awkwardly.

"Will he be back?"

"Let's hope not," Charlie says, sitting down next to her, putting his arm around her, "Listen Claire, I'm going to take care of you, ok? Don't worry about him."

"Charlie?"

"Yeah, love?"

"Can you grow your hair out again? Please? For me?"

"Sure, love," Charlie says, laughing.

"Like how it was on the island, Charlie?"

He just smiles and nods, and kisses the top of her head.

"I'm the luckiest bloke in the world," Charlie says in a tone of wonder.

"And the only one who would like a girl with a baby," Claire says, her voice almost cynical.

"You and Turnip Head are the best things that ever happened to me, Claire," he says, pulling her and Aaron onto his lap.

* * *

The next day, the doorbell rings again, while Charlie, Claire, and Aaron are sitting on the couch talking together.

Claire freezes up instantly.

"Is it him?" she whispers.

"I'll go find out," Charlie says, "Stay here."

He goes to the door, and pulls it open.

"Jack?" Charlie says, then starts to yell, "Claire, Claire, get over here, it's Jack!"

"Hey Charlie," Kate says, stepping out from behind Jack.

"And Kate, Claire!" Charlie yells.

"Hey man," Jack says, giving Charlie a quick hug, "It's been a while."

"Yeah if you think a while was a few days ago, Jack," Charlie says, laughing, "Remember, bloody big church?"

"We missed you guys," Kate says, giving Claire a hug as she comes to the door with Aaron, "How's Aaron?"

"He's fine, great," Claire replies.

"Are you joking, Claire? He's bloody brilliant!" Charlie says, looking at Aaron with fatherly pride, "Few days old and loves us already."

"Come on in," Claire says, shaking her head at Charlie's description of Aaron.

Jack and Kate walk into the apartment.

"Sorry it's a bit of a mess – we're still straightening everything out," Charlie says apologetically.

"I'm guessing this was Charlie's place," Jack says, glancing around.

"How did you know?" Claire asks, faking shock.

"Do you want to come over to our place for dinner?" Kate asks Claire, "We've got a nice house – Jack's old house…"

"That'd be great," Claire says, and then looks over to where Charlie is talking with Jack, "Hey Charlie, Kate wants us to come over to their place for dinner."

"Sounds brilliant," Charlie says.

"Well then let's go," Jack says, and they leave the apartment.

* * *

**So what did you think? I'm sorry to all the Liam lovers out there for making him so villainous - he'll get better, I promise. And also, next chapter will have an appearance by another pairing of Lost characters - guess who? Anyways, review and tell me what you thought, who else you want to see, what you want to happen...just review! Love always, Lily**


	5. IMPORTANT NOTE

**Hey hey hey everybody! Just needed to tell you all - I changed my pen name from .Alice to Violet Scarlet Lily. So I thought the best way to reach everyone so that I don't lose any of my minimal fan base was to post this in all of my multi-chapter stories. Sorry for making you all think this was an actual chapter - but I had to let you all know.**

**So spread the word - if anyone (it'd be a miracle), but if anyone is looking for me, I am now Violet Scarlet Lily. **

**But I am the same Lily. It's complicated.**

**Anyways, I should be updating most of my stories soon!**

**See ya!**

**Love always, **

**Lily  
**


End file.
